After a splendid holiday yesterday, during which I did absolutely nothing I didn't want to do and quite a number of things I DID want to do, I dozed off for a one hour nap after church today. Imagine my surprise when I awoke to an empty house. No husband. No children.
The authorities have not been notified and no search party is looking.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Flip Out!
Very exciting day around here! After years of hard work, One Fish is finally the proud owner of a gymastics competition leotard. Although her first competition isn't until September, I think she would gladly wear this every day until then!
Running from De-Feet
It is seldom that I am forced to admit defeat. However, after six months, I am officially un-running. Six months ago, I was a beginner. Full of possibility and promise and determined to prove to myself that I could run 5K if I really, really wanted to badly enough. Now, six months later, I am confident in my ability to run 3miles if I really want to (which I still don't). And if I know I could run 3 miles, I'm darn sure I could run 5K. I can run farther than I ever have in my life. I have lost not a single pound, which doesn't really bother me because it wasn't the point to begin with, but it does seem as though loss of at least a little poundage should be a delicious by-product of all that sweat and tears, doesn't it? But, no matter.
I am somewhat horrified to admit this, but I have actually grown to enjoy running the tinsiest little bit. I can honestly say that I have never experienced a runner's high. Runner's exhaustion? Yes. Runner's pain? Yes. Runners irritation? Yes. No runner's high, though. What I have gotten out of it, is an enjoyment of being by myself with my music turned up, knowing that when I am finished, I will have done my duty to myself for the day. No little voices in my ear (not that I don't love those little voices). No dishes to wash. No phones ringing.
I even developed a purpose to running. I ran for One Fish. I even challenged her to a race one day (after I put up with a sufficient amount of trash talk and laughter from her about Mommy "running.") We determined to see who could run farther- not faster. I KILLED her little muscular gymnasts body. I was like the Energizer bunny. The tortoise to the hare. The little engine that could. It wasn't pretty and it involved lots of huffing and puffing and sweat, but I was determined to win and win big because I wanted her to remember losing an endurance race to her 36 year old mother. When she is 36 (or 26, or 16), I want her to remember that she is from a line of tough-as-nails women and that she's one too. It's not that no other mommies run. Lots and lots of the mommies I know are beating the pavements. Faster and harder and longer than I am. But, running is not something she'd seen me do before. I wanted her to know that I could. WE could. Whenever and however we wanted. I wanted her to know that I kick ARSE and I finish the job when I put my mind to something. And, I'm not about the business of raising a wimpy chick.
I have read the magazines and taken the advice of pros and seasoned runners. I run for a bit and walk for a minute to give my joints a break. I bought the really good shoes. I stopped running hills and if I happen across one, I run up it and walk down it. I run slowly and never more than 2-3 miles. I am stronger for this and am looking forward to my next physical challenge.
I have also done terrible things to my hips. For months, I have been unable to turn over in bed or rise to a standing position without hip pain. At first I thought it was just protesting muscles. But, after this much time, a consult with a doctor and a massage therapist, I am convinced it is my body's way of telling me to cut it out already. Those poor hips didn't start out with the benefit of good joint genes in the first place and have now carried babies for 27 months in utero and countless months after birth. And they're over it already.
So, while I have not yet run the 5K race I set a goal for, I am checking the box. I now know I could if I wanted to and am moving on. I will miss being able to cover as much ground in as little time. I will miss the feeling of complete exhaustion at the end of a "good" run. I will miss being able to say with confidence that I can run 2 miles. However, I will not miss the running itself. Running still sucks and it still hurts.
What's next? I'm considering a half-marathon. Would you laugh if I walked it?
I am somewhat horrified to admit this, but I have actually grown to enjoy running the tinsiest little bit. I can honestly say that I have never experienced a runner's high. Runner's exhaustion? Yes. Runner's pain? Yes. Runners irritation? Yes. No runner's high, though. What I have gotten out of it, is an enjoyment of being by myself with my music turned up, knowing that when I am finished, I will have done my duty to myself for the day. No little voices in my ear (not that I don't love those little voices). No dishes to wash. No phones ringing.
I even developed a purpose to running. I ran for One Fish. I even challenged her to a race one day (after I put up with a sufficient amount of trash talk and laughter from her about Mommy "running.") We determined to see who could run farther- not faster. I KILLED her little muscular gymnasts body. I was like the Energizer bunny. The tortoise to the hare. The little engine that could. It wasn't pretty and it involved lots of huffing and puffing and sweat, but I was determined to win and win big because I wanted her to remember losing an endurance race to her 36 year old mother. When she is 36 (or 26, or 16), I want her to remember that she is from a line of tough-as-nails women and that she's one too. It's not that no other mommies run. Lots and lots of the mommies I know are beating the pavements. Faster and harder and longer than I am. But, running is not something she'd seen me do before. I wanted her to know that I could. WE could. Whenever and however we wanted. I wanted her to know that I kick ARSE and I finish the job when I put my mind to something. And, I'm not about the business of raising a wimpy chick.
I have read the magazines and taken the advice of pros and seasoned runners. I run for a bit and walk for a minute to give my joints a break. I bought the really good shoes. I stopped running hills and if I happen across one, I run up it and walk down it. I run slowly and never more than 2-3 miles. I am stronger for this and am looking forward to my next physical challenge.
I have also done terrible things to my hips. For months, I have been unable to turn over in bed or rise to a standing position without hip pain. At first I thought it was just protesting muscles. But, after this much time, a consult with a doctor and a massage therapist, I am convinced it is my body's way of telling me to cut it out already. Those poor hips didn't start out with the benefit of good joint genes in the first place and have now carried babies for 27 months in utero and countless months after birth. And they're over it already.
So, while I have not yet run the 5K race I set a goal for, I am checking the box. I now know I could if I wanted to and am moving on. I will miss being able to cover as much ground in as little time. I will miss the feeling of complete exhaustion at the end of a "good" run. I will miss being able to say with confidence that I can run 2 miles. However, I will not miss the running itself. Running still sucks and it still hurts.
What's next? I'm considering a half-marathon. Would you laugh if I walked it?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Rules To Live By
Note to Governor Sanford of the great state of South Carolina:
Dear Mark,
It seems that you must have missed a class that the rest of us all managed to fit into our Course Schedule For Life. So, I thought I'd give you my abridged notes from the class. They may be helpful in the future.
* Don't be a cheater. This seems to be pretty cut and dry with no detail needed.
* If you do cheat, immediate groveling is required. To avoid further humiliation, said cheating must be ceased immediately after telling one's spouse about the infraction.
* Referring to one's mistress as one's SOULMATE should never be done on television. It's creepy. And weird. And smarmy. And probably grounds for your spouse pulling a Bobbit on your stupid self.
* If a worldwide icon should happen to die while you are embroiled in a scandal, for goodness sake, take advantage of it and go underground. Way, way underground. Do not hold anymore press conferences.
* There is no TRY. Either love your spouse or don't. If you disregarded all previous life rules, then you obviously DON'T. Cut your losses, move on and spare everyone around you further pain and humiliation. You should have thought about her family money you'd be leaving behind before you found another "soulmate."
* Don't cry in public. Especially if you should happen to be an elected official. No one will think you're sensitive. They'll only think you're more of a scumbag than the topic of your press conference has already shown you to be.
* Leave your cell phone on. Pay for an international plan if you have to. But, leave the phone on.
* No matter how much your mistress seems to love you, she will undoubtedly be less enamored with you after you are no longer governor, are poor and have child support to pay for all those boys.
I'm sure my readers can think of more?
Dear Mark,
It seems that you must have missed a class that the rest of us all managed to fit into our Course Schedule For Life. So, I thought I'd give you my abridged notes from the class. They may be helpful in the future.
* Don't be a cheater. This seems to be pretty cut and dry with no detail needed.
* If you do cheat, immediate groveling is required. To avoid further humiliation, said cheating must be ceased immediately after telling one's spouse about the infraction.
* Referring to one's mistress as one's SOULMATE should never be done on television. It's creepy. And weird. And smarmy. And probably grounds for your spouse pulling a Bobbit on your stupid self.
* If a worldwide icon should happen to die while you are embroiled in a scandal, for goodness sake, take advantage of it and go underground. Way, way underground. Do not hold anymore press conferences.
* There is no TRY. Either love your spouse or don't. If you disregarded all previous life rules, then you obviously DON'T. Cut your losses, move on and spare everyone around you further pain and humiliation. You should have thought about her family money you'd be leaving behind before you found another "soulmate."
* Don't cry in public. Especially if you should happen to be an elected official. No one will think you're sensitive. They'll only think you're more of a scumbag than the topic of your press conference has already shown you to be.
* Leave your cell phone on. Pay for an international plan if you have to. But, leave the phone on.
* No matter how much your mistress seems to love you, she will undoubtedly be less enamored with you after you are no longer governor, are poor and have child support to pay for all those boys.
I'm sure my readers can think of more?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
It's Nice To Have A Good Tag When You Need It
Monograms & Mayhem tagged me for an Awe-Summm award and I am so honored! It is nothing short of therapy to read the blogs of others who are in my "season of life" and realize that our lives are all parallel in some way. On the other hand, it is like going on vacation to read the blogs of people who have lives so different from mine. Besides, I do love having a ready-made blog entry.
As the newly crowned Queen, I am obligated to do the following:
1. List 7 things that make me Awesome.
2. Pass this on to some other Queens of Awesome bloggers.
3. Let those bloggers know that they have been tagged.
4. Link to Her Majesty who tagged me.
5. Copy the picture onto my sidebar to let the world know I am the Queen!
Seven things that make me a Queen of Awesome:
1. The Scientist picked ME. All those other girls out there and he picked ME.
2. I actually have a functional family. This is not due to any action on my part, but growing up with the people I did does add to my overall awesomeness.
3. I think that I am hilarious and because of this, never run out of things to laugh at.
4. I am taking my children to the splash park this afternoon. I hate the splash park. Thus, I am AWESOME.
5. My BFFs picked ME. All those other girls out there and they picked ME.
6. I cook.
7. I read to my children every. single. day.
Now that I've reminded myself of my virtuousness, I am directed to tag some other Queens of Awesome. Later, we will discuss my strong dislike of purposeful misspellings. In the meantime, I tag:
1. Clemsongirl- See #5. She picked me. I tag her. I know she'll appreciate the ready-made post. And, she is the original AWESOME.
2. Just What I Always Wanted- Because she reminds me daily to treasure my fishies, inspires me, and makes me laugh.
3. Shanny- Because she's making me laugh again after a 20-something year hiatus. For whatever reason, I cannot get a linky to attach to Shanny, but her address is: http://shanny.wordpress.com
As the newly crowned Queen, I am obligated to do the following:
1. List 7 things that make me Awesome.
2. Pass this on to some other Queens of Awesome bloggers.
3. Let those bloggers know that they have been tagged.
4. Link to Her Majesty who tagged me.
5. Copy the picture onto my sidebar to let the world know I am the Queen!
Seven things that make me a Queen of Awesome:
1. The Scientist picked ME. All those other girls out there and he picked ME.
2. I actually have a functional family. This is not due to any action on my part, but growing up with the people I did does add to my overall awesomeness.
3. I think that I am hilarious and because of this, never run out of things to laugh at.
4. I am taking my children to the splash park this afternoon. I hate the splash park. Thus, I am AWESOME.
5. My BFFs picked ME. All those other girls out there and they picked ME.
6. I cook.
7. I read to my children every. single. day.
Now that I've reminded myself of my virtuousness, I am directed to tag some other Queens of Awesome. Later, we will discuss my strong dislike of purposeful misspellings. In the meantime, I tag:
1. Clemsongirl- See #5. She picked me. I tag her. I know she'll appreciate the ready-made post. And, she is the original AWESOME.
2. Just What I Always Wanted- Because she reminds me daily to treasure my fishies, inspires me, and makes me laugh.
3. Shanny- Because she's making me laugh again after a 20-something year hiatus. For whatever reason, I cannot get a linky to attach to Shanny, but her address is: http://shanny.wordpress.com
Monday, June 29, 2009
The End of Holiday Road
We've returned from an 11 day trip to Orlando. Six adults, six children, three bedrooms, three bathrooms. The stuff memories (and therapy sessions) are made of.
The best line of the week? From Two Fish as we were getting on the Magic Kingdom shuttle. The 20-something couple sitting behind us were dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell (what the heck would inspire a man to spend a 100 degree day in green tights and a mini-dress?). Another family walking toward us was clearly Middle Eastern and happy as anything to be heading to Disney World. The woman was wearing black from head to foot and only had her eyes showing. My thought? "Wow, that must be freakin' HOT."
Two Fish's thought (which he expressed loudly and exuberantly while pointing his finger)?
"HEY LOOK!! THAT GUY'S DRESSED UP LIKE A NINJA!"
The best line of the week? From Two Fish as we were getting on the Magic Kingdom shuttle. The 20-something couple sitting behind us were dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell (what the heck would inspire a man to spend a 100 degree day in green tights and a mini-dress?). Another family walking toward us was clearly Middle Eastern and happy as anything to be heading to Disney World. The woman was wearing black from head to foot and only had her eyes showing. My thought? "Wow, that must be freakin' HOT."
Two Fish's thought (which he expressed loudly and exuberantly while pointing his finger)?
"HEY LOOK!! THAT GUY'S DRESSED UP LIKE A NINJA!"
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Summertime So Far
Summer is here and we have been struggling to find a routine. The fishies are showing some wear and tear because of it.
We have been traveling, which doesn't help. Not the happy travel either. My grandmother passed away last week, which extended our weekend lake visit to a weeklong lake visit (complete with the requisite memorial service and family gathering) . It also required my children to process and endure loads of crying and a mild bit of hysteria on my part which I think was taxing on them. The sleeping arrangements also left a little to be desired as the "routine" involved 10PM bedtimes and camp-out style sleeping. This threw my sweet little 7:30-to-bed fishies for a loop that is not easily recovered from.
We are truly sideways around here and are T-minus 5 days until we depart for a 10 day Orlando vaca. My survival plan is forming. So far it involves:
1) Multiple, prioritized to-do lists. Color coded when appropriate.
2) Liberal use of the label maker. Not for anything in particular, but using a label maker does make anything seem more manageable.
3) Margaritas. Nightly.
4) Lots of outside activity and exercise. Not for me, obviously, but the fishies. These are preferably activites that take place in our backyard so that they can be relatively unsupervised while I get my to-do lists color coded.
5) Chores. Lots of them. Far from being so virtous that my children do these regularly and willingly, let me also say that I am paying for them. It also keeps them busy. Basically I am paying them to babysit themselves while they fold laundry and take out the trash. Again, so I can color code the to-do lists or perhaps label something.
So far, that's all I've got. My survival plan for the 10 days in Orlando isn't even in the development stage yet. Luckily, I adore every last one of my in-laws so much that I am even looking forward to 10 days of a cranky toddler if it means I can spend it with them.
Time's a tickin' and these fishies are up, at 'em and demanding to be fed and watered. Here are some pictures of our recent trip.
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