And the winner is...

My brother-in-law, for coming up with the most amusing commentary on our nation's current financial crisis.

"I've never been so happy to have all our assets tied up in handbags and shoes."

Hee hee hee. My sister has good taste (in more ways than one).

Darned Expensive Kids

Two Fish has pulled a fast one. He has gone from size 4/5T, last year at this time, directly to a 6. This poses a problem since all the clothes I bought "ahead" aren't so much working. Darn! And it's still hot out, so I can't just go buy fall things. He still needs some shorts to get us through to the next season of the year, which is Christmas. Our seasons are: summer, Christmas, Mardi Gras and summer again. Darn, again!

Olivia Continues to Demonstrate Her Rockin'-ness

So, y'all know that the investigator in Two Fish's case isn't really named Olivia, right? I just call her that because her real title and last name are far too long to write out each time, and in my mind she's just like Olivia on Law and Order Special Victims Unit. All-business and ready to kick some bad guy arse. And young and trendy to boot.

Two Fish had his interview yesterday. He did great! After some last minute nerves, he warmed up to the interviewer and went in and talked his head off. "His interview was consistent with the report" which is what they were looking for. The very short version of the tons of new info I got yesterday is:

1) They have him for 5-10 years PER COUNT of voyeurism. They think they can get him on multiple counts. He'll take a plea bargain, most likely. Olivia's boss says that if he is offered 10 years, he should take it and feel quite lucky.

2) After the investigative part of the case is over, they'll determine if they can get him on child pornography too. If they think they can, they'll hand that over to the feds. And that will probably go to trial. Both investigators I talked to said that they think they've got him on child porn. Because he didn't just look. He took pictures too. The plus there is that then he'd get serious, hard core time. The minus is that it would go to trial (probably) and we may have to testify. Two Fish's name would definitely come out and his taped interview would probably be used. They wouldn't let me watch the interview yesterday in case they needed to call me as a witness in a federal trial.

3) They really don't think he downloaded or sent any pictures from his phone. They were strickly for his purposes (I know, try not to gag...). Two Fish can't really be identified in the picts, if you didn't know what you were looking for or what time the picts were taken. Mr. Big Man (Olivia's boss- we'll call him Mr. Big) says that in his experience, the guy has a classic pedophile personality. Meek, timid around adults. Not the sharpest tool in the shed from what I'm gathering. He preys on children because he is powerless in the adult world. Ewwww. I've got the shivers.

That's it in a nutshell.

Being the Soccer Mom

Finally, the season is here! I love soccer season. The chill in the air (although I'm going to have to imagine it today). The tired kids at the end of the day. The sportsmanship. The triumphs. The comraderie. The Nalgene water bottles filled with screwdrivers for the mommies. Kidding. Kind of.

I'm definitely bringing a chair this morning. It is the season opening and some genius decided that the best idea ever would be to have every single child enrolled in YMCA soccer on the field at the same time for a group practice. So, I'll be the one kicked back in the corner watching the maddness unfold in front of me, with an expression of quiet bemusement on my face.

May I Suggest?

I almost used this time/space to post the yummilicious recipe for bruschetta chicken that we enjoyed tonight and that the unsuspecting families of supper swap will enjoy in the next month. But, I am leaning toward suggesting something a little more inspiring than chicken. No matter how inspiring it's bubbly goodness was. It was still chicken, after all.

I love traditions. Especially quirky holiday traditions. And nothing makes me happier than to realize that I'm on to something so good that it might warrant a Tradition. The two older fishies and I just finished reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (where the heck is the underline button?)

I read the book years ago and thought it was hilarious. We saw the play last year in our community theater and this year One Fish has decided she wants to audition for the angel choir. So, we decided to read the book again before the audition date.

Wow, wow, wow. The children were riveted by it. Two Fish begged for more chapters each night. This is a book that begs to be read aloud and reads easily. As with many books originally intended for children, it is best read with lots of expression and voice changes for the characters.

I actually got choked up reading the last few pages of the book. Here is one excerp:
" When Imogene asked me what the pageant was about, I told her it was about Jesus, but that was just part of it. It was about a new baby, and his mother and father who were in a lot of trouble- no money, no place to go, no doctor, nobody they knew. And then, arriving from the East (like my uncle from New Jersey) some rich friends.
"But Imogene, I guess, didn't see it that way. Christmas just came over her all at once, like a case of chills and fever. And so she was crying, and walking into the furniture."

The children and I have decided that we will read it every Christmas season. Sort of like the family tradition I grew up with of reading the Christmas Carol (the Charles Dickens one) aloud every holiday season. This tradition has pretty much had a failure to launch in this household because of The Scientist's insistence that there are few things he won't do for me, but that at the top of the short list is: "Sit around like a dork reading Charles Dickens aloud to one another." Marriage is full of compromise and if this is the biggest concession I ever have to make, then I will have gotten off easy indeed.

But, I think that Barbara Robinson (author) is a little differen from Dickens. I'm already looking forward to starting the first of the seven chapters a week before Christmas and to sobbing through the last page or two on Christmas eve.

Quick Pervert Update

Two Fish hasn't had his "interview" yet. It's later this week. In the meantime, Olivia says that they have a warrant to search his computers. Plural? What young cashier has more than one computer? Freak. It will take awhile to do this, but they already have the computers in their posession. He couldn't do anything about it even if they hadn't seized them because he's still in the clink. The slammer. The caboose. His bond was set at a half million dollars. He's not going anywhere.

Apparently the good ol' boys around here don't cotton to perverts.

Being a Girl

Thanks for all the input on the guinea pig issue! Looks like a majority of you thought that I had either lost my mind for even considering getting One Fish a guinea pig, or think that they are fine but stink to high heaven. I sort of think I lost my mind momentarily too and am not into letting anything (else) that stinks into my house.

So, no pets for One Fish this birthday.

She had a terrible morning yesterday. She hit Two Fish (somewhat justified, I'm sure) but still...I have to have some standards around here. She moped around feeling sorry for herself and bemoaning the fact that "no one" loved her as she thought was evidenced by the fact that she faced some consequences for her heinous crime. She's such a giiiiiiirrrrrrl. But, then it was time for church and after a few outfits that were inappropriate (jeans and a long sleeve turtleneck?!), she emerged wearing a new outfit that was actually purchased for next spring season. I said not a word (somewhat to her surprise, I think).

I am a girl, after all, and I know very well how much difference it can make in one's day to wear a brand new sassy outfit. And sassy she was. Mood and attitude improved very quickly and soon she was hugging her brother again and singing my praises for being such a rockin' Sunday School teacher. And doing that girly walk with purse swinging that is only possible when you know that you look good and your shoes, bag, and hair accessories match. You know the one I'm talking about.

So, I think the year has arrived that I can get One Fish clothes for her birthday and actually have her excited about it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that some cutie outfits with accessories to match may be just the ticket to happiness for our oldest fishy.

And sooooooo much easier to care for than a guinea pig, I'm thinking...