Note to Governor Sanford of the great state of South Carolina:
Dear Mark,
It seems that you must have missed a class that the rest of us all managed to fit into our Course Schedule For Life. So, I thought I'd give you my abridged notes from the class. They may be helpful in the future.
* Don't be a cheater. This seems to be pretty cut and dry with no detail needed.
* If you do cheat, immediate groveling is required. To avoid further humiliation, said cheating must be ceased immediately after telling one's spouse about the infraction.
* Referring to one's mistress as one's SOULMATE should never be done on television. It's creepy. And weird. And smarmy. And probably grounds for your spouse pulling a Bobbit on your stupid self.
* If a worldwide icon should happen to die while you are embroiled in a scandal, for goodness sake, take advantage of it and go underground. Way, way underground. Do not hold anymore press conferences.
* There is no TRY. Either love your spouse or don't. If you disregarded all previous life rules, then you obviously DON'T. Cut your losses, move on and spare everyone around you further pain and humiliation. You should have thought about her family money you'd be leaving behind before you found another "soulmate."
* Don't cry in public. Especially if you should happen to be an elected official. No one will think you're sensitive. They'll only think you're more of a scumbag than the topic of your press conference has already shown you to be.
* Leave your cell phone on. Pay for an international plan if you have to. But, leave the phone on.
* No matter how much your mistress seems to love you, she will undoubtedly be less enamored with you after you are no longer governor, are poor and have child support to pay for all those boys.
I'm sure my readers can think of more?
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2 comments:
Well said! What scumbag!
don't make the excuse you are going "off" to write a book. Really?? what a waste of time anyway. what do you even have to write about and who in their right mind would read it?!
and don't pack the car like you are going hiking. that is just stupid..and makes you look even more stupid when they find you.
it just keeps getting worse. hearing him talk about his soulmate (that whole word is a hoax) and the women he danced with on trips. that is a sight i am sure. he is just so not cool. how did he get a woman in the first place. oh me... i hope the boys learn from this and strive hard to be everything but...
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