He Says, She Says

He says:

"I had Columbus day off. She came in about 8AM, arms flapping, going on about something that didn't seem to have an immediate point. 'Just give me the short version', I said. 'Do you want to me take Two Fish to school or what'? Turns out, that's all she needed me to do. I got going (much earlier than I had planned) and took him to school, glad I could help her out this morning."



She says:

"Wild morning on Columbus day. As usual, the fishy's schedules conflicted and I had to get warm pigs in a blanket up to One Fish's school at exactly the same time I needed to be dropping off Two Fish at preschool. Just being a little late to either wasn't a viable option in this instance.

I could have brought the pigs in a blanket early to the school, but I was notsomuch being the planner this particular morning and realized too late in the game that I was not going to be able to pull it off.

Luckily He was off on Columbus Day. I wake him and explain my scheduling issue. Perhaps I gave too many details. But, if I was going to be yanked out of bed on my morning off, I'd want to know exactly what the deal was, wouldn't you? 'Just give me the short version,' he grouches, 'Are you saying you need me to take Two Fish to school?'

Yes, Einstein. That would be helpful.

So, he gets his rear in gear, motivates Two Fish to do the same, and 10 minutes later, they are out the door.

Mere moments after they leave, I, too, am out the door. Red Fish on one hip, basket of pigs-in-a-blanket with seasonal linen handtowel tucked around them in the other hand. Dangling from one finger is a bag with the "trinkets" I was to bring for One Fish to pass out to the other "super readers" in her class. Another finger held the lunchbox she forgot.

I schlep myself out the door with just enough time to get the appropriate items to the appropriate classes at the appropriate time. Upon my arrival in the driveway, I find...

No Van In The Driveway.

He has taken the $%^# van. He HAS TAKEN THE #$%^ VAN!! With my keys. With my cell phone. With my pocketbook and wallet.

I call him on his cell-phone. It rings on the kitchen counter. I call him on my cell phone. He answers.

'You are killing me here!'

'Whaaaahhhh...??? Whadidoo? You said take him to school. I'm taking him to school, right?'

Fast forward 5 minutes...
Red Fish is cozy in his big red wagon. I am pulling said wagon up to the school (in the interest of full disclosure, I must note that it isn't really very far).

We both have a pig in a blanket in each hand.