Here's the deal:
I have three children. One has a September birthday (One Fish). She also happens to be the only girl. The other two are boys and both have August birthdays. The school cutoff in our state is September 1.
One Fish started preschool "early" although she was almost three. Technically, she didn't make the cutoff by a few weeks to enter as a three year old. But, due to a fortunate (for us) turn of events, some students had to move, there was an overabundance of boys next on the waiting list and too many boys already in the class and presto-chango, they made an exception for One Fish. She proceeded to spend four wonderous, discovery filled and enriching years at our Montessori school. She also started first grade as ready as one could possibly be to be thrust into the world of public education.
Two Fish and Red Fish wouldn't be so lucky, if it were up to anyone but their parents, it would seem. Actually, I seem to have gotten the grandparents on board too, but the rest of the world (save you sweet commenters to the contrary) seems to think I'm crazy. Even his preschool director who thinks that I'm caught up in a "trend." I realize that whether or not to "hold back" (I'll take issue with that phrase in just a minute) is a polarizing one. I'd almost rather discuss politics than bring up the topic with anyone other than my nearest and dearest. But, it keeps coming up and coming up and coming up. So, for anyone still wondering and cocking their head in confusion over why Two Fish isn't starting kindergarten this year, here's my reasoning so you don't feel the need to quiz me in hushed tones the next time I see you:
1) If he had been born two weeks after his due date (ala One Fish) I wouldn't be writing this blog entry.
2) One Fish missed the cutoff by about three weeks and I didn't hear anyone begging to push her ahead a grade, now did I?
3) For anyone who really thinks we're being negligent by not allowing him to start kindergarten, please know that I will be happy to turn his deprived little self over to you as soon as he is 17. You can send the 17 year old to college to go through fraternity rush. Let me know how it works out for you. PS- He'll only have had his drivers license for a year. Just so you know...
4) Holding him back from WHAT, I ask you? Holding him back from an hour of homework every night as a five year old? Holding him back from 20 minutes of outside play per day versus several hours? Holding him back from taking the periodic nap that he likes to take sometimes in the afternoon (when no one is looking, of course)? I prefer to think of it as pushing him to be a little boy for one more year.
5) After hours of research, the best reason I could find for not waiting a year for kindergarten was that it gave a disadvantage to the children who's families couldn't afford to keep them out of public school for one more year. Well, I hate it for them.
6) I know, I know, I know. You're not supposed to compare your children. But the world will- for the rest of their little lives. So, why would I let One Fish start first grade as an almost 7 year old and let the boys start first grade as almost 6 year olds and then expect similar academic results?
7) We are not particularly tall people. Truth be known, we have a very strong short gene that runs through The Scientist's family. He is 5ft. 8 on a good day and towers over all other people in his family. So, in a few years, when Two Fish has been pushed into starting kindergarten earlier than we think he should, we could have a teenager who is short for his (young) age, somewhat immature compared to his classmates, is the only one who can't drive yet...and needs a date to the prom. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the stuff therapy bills are made of.
Please, please, know that I cannot count the children I know who entered kindergarten as the youngest and have even thrived because of it. I have talked with mothers who have said that they thought about postponing kindergarten but then looked at their child and knew in their hearts that their child needed to go. And looking at their children, I'm sure they made the right call. I've also talked with lots of parents who did postpone for year and never regretted it for a second. I don't think twice about the decision other people make for their children. I cannot put my finger on why I know that Two Fish needs to wait a year. The preschool director thinks I'm nuts. He is sounding out words already, so we aren't behind academically. He is Mr. Popular on the playground and we're not having any problems with playing well with others. He's not short (so far). So, I can't tell you why I know in my heart of hearts that we've made the right call.
I just know what I know.
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10 comments:
You made the right call!!
Yep, my brand-new kindergartener will be 6 in October. And I'm most likely going to "hold back" my next bee. The third bee has a good bday and won't require all the worry. At some point I had to compare #1 and #2...because they are my best reference points. I had to look at #2 as a year younger rather than the 20 months he actually is younger. The school won't say, well, that's C- work, but you're young so we'll call it a B+.
You're doing a great job and one day you'll especially be glad for that extra year with fishies in the house!
I am with you girl. There grow to fast enjoy that extra year.
You followed your gut. That's always the right decision!
Hey, it's Wendi-
I totally agree with you. Several neighbors/co-workers pushed their boys ahead and ALL of them have ended up having their child repeat a year. Who wants to do that? Kindergarten is fun, but do you really want to do it twice?
Good call!
Great post on a hard but absolutely right decision! The reason I know is because I know you know.
I've made the same call with my July b'day son. I'm going with an in-between solution and starting half-day kindergarten at a local church school, but we'll likely do public school full-day kindergarten next year. He's my oldest and with a June son and a July daughter coming up behind him, we are thinking we'll give them all a little extra time. My son's preschool teacher put it best -- do we want him to be a leader or a follower for the rest of his school years? Lots of that comes from personality, but lots of that comes from confidence and age, too. It is SUCH a tough decision, but it sounds like you've made the right one!!
I liked this post. Oddly, here you would get weird remarks and comments for not "holding back." Either way, #2 is NOT going to Clemson (tee hee!) at 17. I might be old but I remember well what that would look like and I hope to have a Clemson GRADUATE (or three), not dropouts! Plus, seriously why does any school really not trust an obviously more than competent mother's opinion. That alone should be conversation stopping--"mama thinks so and said so, so that is what we are doing."
STK
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I hear you---we're doing the same thing with our oldest. He was born on August 31st, an hour and a half before the September 1st cutoff for school in our area. He'll be three on Sunday and we already know that he won't be starting Kindergarten until he is 6. I was an elementary guidance counselor and I saw so many children, mostly boys, who started school too early and struggled unnecessarily. As a parent, you just know when your child is ready--I have a friend whose son is the exact same age as mine and he will definitely be ready for Kindergarten as a brand new 5-year-old, where there's no way that mine will be. Every child is different and I hate that we have to defend ourselves for the decisions we make for our children!! Good post! :)
My daughter's bday is Aug. 28. We held her back & she just started 1st grade. There are kids in her class that were held back w/ April bdays.
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