I told you it was hot here

We made our first trip to the beach this weekend. We went far too early in the day, so I had to constantly slather the fishies with sunscreen. Redfish looks like he can burn in approximately 3.2 seconds, so he was covered most of the time. We let him out for just a minute to sit in the sand (read, shove it in his mouth) and feel the water.

The Scientist and I wanted to (learn to) fly kites so we made a WallyWorld trip first. What the heck ever happened to the plain ol' diamond shaped kite? There were dragons and cartoon characters and fairies and animals and flowers. No plain primary colored diamond kites. And certainly no black and gold ones. And I'll just say that the directions for how to put these flying cartoon characters together were obviously written by someone who does not claim English as their first language. Or perhaps their second, for that matter. The flying dragon never did take to the skies. Impossible. We did manage to tame the shark kite into its full construction and then flying, although it had an annoying habit of divebombing the ocean when the winds changed.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Please try to ignore the bra straps hanging out of my shirt. Can we speak for just a moment on how hard Blogger makes it to work with pictures?

Mom Tagged Me

She doesn't know it, because she wouldn't know a blogging tag or meme if it bit her behind, but in essence, she did. She sent this to me in an e-mail and since I am a bit at a loss for words today this seemed easy. The restful night sleep I got last night has rendered my floors clean, living room and dining room cleaned up and there are BIG plans for the garage today. BIG. Red Fish is the man of the hour (Actually, 10 hours to be exact).

If any of my family is reading this and feels compelled to comment, please note the blog etiquette of not outing me as far as name, location, birthdate, high school GPA, first boyfriend, preschool preference, or passport number (not that I need one. Damn.).

Four Things About Me:
1) I used to hate my nose. Now I love it.
2) I have a complete fascination with geisha girls, polygamy and carnies.
3) I have no interest in visiting China
4) I could eat shredded parmesan cheese by the bowlful.

Four jobs I have had in my life
1) Ice cream girl at Baskin Robbins
2) Desk attendant in a residence hall
3) Middle school science teacher
4) Waitress
(not necessarily in that order)

Four places I have lived:
1) Clemson, SC
2) Columbia, SC
3) Auburn, AL
4) Palmyra, NY (and no, we're not Mormon)

Four places I have been:
1. Mexico
2. Brazil
3. Japan
4. Italy

Four of my favorite foods: (four? Really? Just four?)
1) Any pasta
2) Sushi
3) Tortilla Soup
4) A good steak


Four places I'd rather be:

1. Anywhere with Clemsongirl (it's her birthday, it's her birthday)
2. Somewhere fabulous that does all your laundry for you
3. Any hotel that has good linens. By myself. With a book.
4. On my beautiful patio by the pool, entertaining friends, with (good)gin and tonics in our hands (extra lime of course)...Oh, wait. I don't have a beautiful patio. Or pool. So, how about same friends on the cement front porch with box wine in juice glasses? Hold the lime since they're not on sale this week.

It's a whole new world

Insert pageant voice singing the theme from Aladin here. Red Fish and I Had It Out two nights ago. I played hard ball and I think (after an hour and a half beginning at baout midnight) that he finally got the picture. I'm not heartless. I went in every 10-15 min. to pat his back and speak sweetly to him. In a very sweet and soothing voice I'd murmur, "Mommy is winning isn't she? My goodness but Mommy must really, really want a good night sleep. Ohhhhh, my. Isn't it terrible when Mommy plays hardball, sweetie?" Little nuggets of comfort like that. He'd smile up and me and roll back and forth in glee when I'd go in. When the door would shut again he'd scream in rage. I think he finally wore himself out.

Last night my boy proved himself to be just as smart as I thought he should be. He slept from 7 until (drumroll please) FOUR AM!!! I figured after 9 hours he probably deserved to eat something so I fed him and popped his cute little self back into the crib. Somehow he seemed much cuter at 4AM than he had seemed previous nights at midnight. He peeped once and then I didn't hear from him again until 7 when I went in to wake him. I know, crazy to wake a sleeping baby, but I do want him to nap with purpose today.

Pretty cut and dry today.

Here are today's basics.

Five things that make me happy today
1) Our school system seems to have more holidays than not. We get three days off for Mardi Gras for crying out loud. We have a week off for T'giving. We have over a week off for Easter. Today is not a holiday. Praise God.

2) My oregano and parsley (curly leaf AND Italian- because that's how I roll) seem to have given the herbal middle finger to the one month we consider "winter" around here. Apparently no one else in the herby daycare I've got going out back filled them in that they had better go ahead and expire like they're supposed to in the winter since one month was about all you get around here as far as months with a mean temperature less than 70 degrees. They have instead used said month to grow to the size of bushes and now smell delightful in my spaghetti sauce.

3) The gnats and mosquitos are temporarily at bay since today is one of the 30 days in the year that it is not 128 degrees outside. It is also slightly breezy. This means that my children will have no indoor time in which to mess up the two rooms of the house that I've managed to clean this morning.

4) Dinner is done. See #2.

5) Mt. Washmore (to steal a phrase from Clemsongirl) is being conquered. This is why only 2 rooms are clean. Rome wasn't build (or burned) in a day.


Five Things That Are Just Unacceptable Today

1) The kitchen floor. And The Most Wonderful Woman On Earth doesn't come for another week. There are things on it that I'm certain I don't recognize.

2) The fact that I have to go to Walmart. Someone should open a business doing Walmart runs for people. If I had the cash I would pay someone to do it. But I don't. Which is why I'm making a Wallyworld run instead of driving 45 min. to a Target. Anyone want to calculate how much 1.5 hours in the car would cost me?

3) It is completely possible that I have re-injured my toe. The Scientist asked what happened. I took this to mean "What on earth could you have done now? How in the world is one so clumsy as to do this twice in a month?" I answered that I was pretty sure that (being the human milk bar and all) I couldn't see where my foot was going to land when it swung out from my body. By the time it clears the boobs and swings into my field of vision, disaster cannot be averted. It seems a reasonable theory to me... Regardless of how it happened, it hurts like hell and may require a visit to my pantry pharmacy tonight.

4) There is no TV on tonight. At least nothing trashy or tabloid enough for my taste. No Rock of Love for another 5 days. High School Reunion doesn't come on until tomorrow. WAIT?! Is Idol on tonight or tomorrow night? Tonight may be salvaged. My dear friend SD maintains that she had to resort to watching Ultimate Fighting when she was recovering from having baby girl. I haven't gone there yet and will try to hold off as long as possible. I do not forsee it being necessary.

5) Could Redfish please learn to sleep for more than 4 hours in his bed already?!!! Unacceptable, unacceptable, unacceptable. We are both in for a long day since I am a wus (for lack of a more descriptive and perhaps more appropriate term) and brought his screaming, manipulative self into our bed at 12:30 last night. This ended any hope for sleep for me for the night as he really seems to sleep best when he presses up against me. I think he also must find my increased heart rate soothing when I jerk awake just before falling off my small sliver of bed. The Scientist was attempting to pacify my irritation by murmuring little things like "he just wants to be near his mommy." Well no offense to the little fellow, but there is a time and place for everything and when you are 7 months old and 23 lbs., nighttime is a time for sleep and your own personal and spacious sleeping space is the place to do it. I swear when I finally flung the door open and picked him up, he chuckled. Imp. It's a good thing he's cute.

Eggstraordinary

As geeky as that title is, I thought it was appropriate given the ROCKIN' appetizer I made for the Shindigity-dig yesterday. It is chicken salad, it is (still) delicious, it was certainly not my original idea, but does indeed warrant the geeky post title, no?

Shindigity-dig

Turns out that the Scientist and I have still got it. And no, I'm not talking about THAT. THAT is none of your business. I'm talking about our ability to entertain. The big Easter shindig was at our house yesterday. Can you judge a family party by the number of husbands who have their wives drive them home while they recline in the third row of seats? With the hiccups? One man (we'll call him Border Patrol, or BP for short) went house hunting on our street with The Scientist. BPs wife would be sooooo thrilled if he found a house on our street and could spend any night he wanted in our garage (where The Scientist holds court whenever he can).

Apparently (and according to The Scientist and his cohorts), the resurrection of our Lord is best celebrated with a cold beer in hand, gathered with a whole bunch of other dudes around the bed of an old pick-up truck. At least it's not on blocks in the yard. That's about the only thing that saved the exterior of our house from looking like an episode of My Big Fat Redneck Wedding yesterday. We even had the mini bouncehouse set up with lots of shoeless children running around outside it. There was lots of racing around and shreiking and what not. That's actually why we invited people over. To use their children to run the sugar rush off of ours.

Inside, it wasn't much better. BP's wife brought muscadine wine. We determined that it definitely had the potential to take us out in two glasses or less. That is some serious stuff. Not to be toyed with. I, being the human milk bar, limited myself to one glass. It was enough. She's bringing the blueberry kind next time.

All in all, it was a good time and thanks to those of you who came and brought decadent dishes with you. WHY did I refuse to keep some of that trifle and WHERE did those rolls come from? SD, if you could post that as a comment, the trifle maker and I would really appreciate it. I would apologize for The Scientist's bad influence on your husbands and promise that it will not be happening again... but, we all know it will. In his defense, he did have the yard cleaned up and had the kids in bed by 8:30.

Today? He's useless, the lush.

I Married a Genius

** Attention Clemsongirl, do not read further. At least wait until Coach is home... **

The Scientist just came in from a run to the store for lightbulbs (of all things) and picked up some fancy beer (for me- he slums it) and (drum roll please)...

some Sicilian Pistachio Gelato.
A whole pound, in a cool, clear jar thingy.

If I were a diabetic, I would be putting myself into a sugar coma tonight.

Givin' It Up

I have just decided that I will not make the cupcakes (and homemade frosting, duh) for One Fish's Easter party today. For those who know me, this will seem like the big deal it is. We. Do. Not. Buy. Store. Cakes. Or. Cupcakes. But today marks the day that I am GIVIN' IT UP. And yes, the capital letters do signify yelling.

Break a leg (or toe)

Really, really busy week here what with all the Easter/field day/first grade play/Teacher Treat day/VBS prep activities. But, I did think I should "kick" it off right, so I broke my toe. And the story isn't even a good one. It would sort of take the edge off if I could tell people that I broke it during a kick boxing match (or Ultimate Fighting, for that matter). But, I really just stubbed the toe on a leg of a bouncy seat. Although it is wet, cold and rainy outside (and I really, really need a pedi), I am only in flip flops. Actually, it might be a crime to go out in flops without updating your pedicure. I may have to either suck it up and get Purple Toe manhandled at the nail place or suffer in silence in my tennies. What am I saying? When have I EVER been silent?!

My mother just sent me exactly the sort of website that all mothers should know about. For the good of all woman-kind, I think we should all do our part and contribute information to this website. It's only right.
www.mizpee.com

Boys Are Weird

And wonderful, certainly. But, to make the point, here is a recent dialog (two minutes ago) with Two Fish.

TF: Mom, can I have a Sharpie?

Me: Uh...NO! Why do you need a Sharpie...and why are you still naked?

TF (holding up his plain old Gap underwear with a robot on them): Because the robot on my underwear is named Jerry and I need to write his name on the back.

And no, he cannot write or spell "Jerry". He's four. But the picture is him at three. I just thought it drove my point home. He looks a little different now. The man-boobs are gone!

Wait! Before I start folding laundry, I did mean to post some picts. Blogs look so much more interesting with picts on them, don't you think? Here are some of my recent faves.I love One Fish's pose, don't you! The Scientist and I had to try not to laugh when she posed at the zoo recently. Two Fish is in a "phase." Nothing remotely resembling an "outfit" shall go on his body. Ugh. Red Fish is sitting up!!

Lots of Kings, but No Queens

I'm a little disappointed right now. I got up at 5:30 because my bed had been taken over by little (and big) men. We bought a king size bed to solve this problem, but somehow, I'm still crowded out. Why is it that 3 millimeters from my nose is the preferred place for their faces to sleep? So, I abandoned the bed, did a quick reading of the e-mail, made some coffee (why wasn't that first?), and decided to blog. I have a long list of things that need doing right now. Preschool snack day and general un-birthday celebration hooha for tomorrow (don't ask...). Cupcakes to make. Treat bags for One Fish's party on Friday. Church clothes to iron. House to straighten (duh). Laundry...don't even get me started on the laundry. But, I figured that if I am up at 5:30, then the least that I deserve is to be able to blog instead of fold towels, right? Except, I have just gotten comfortable in my blogging chair (read, plain old chair from the dining room), and have discovered that it is not 5:30. DARN IT! It's 6:30 because of that wicked time change thing. So, now, there is no virtue, really, in being up. None at all. In fact, at this time tomorrow, One Fish will be leaving the house. I guess I'm off to fold towels.

Traveling Incognito

Great News!!! I can still show my face at the school (although I apparently caused an all out hullaballoo with the superintendents visit concerning The Unfortunate Incident and all). Why am I not slinking around up there, hoping beyond hope that no one notices me, you ask? Because I never talked to anyone about "the incident" face to face and as it turns out, they don't know who I am! How hilarious is that?! They only know my name, but apparently haven't put the (infamous) name with my sweet, charming face. The principal saw me today and was fawning all over the baby and even gave me some preliminary directions as to how to know when to join One Fish's class for lunch- just as if I was a new parent. Delightful. Imagine how surprised she's going to be when she finds out that the darling mother and baby that she delights over every Thursday while they wait to have lunch with One Fish is The Parent Who Is The Problem. Hmmmm. Perhaps I'll run for PTO president next year.

PS- The Scientist thinks the whole thing is stupendous and said that "you don't put up with any $%^& around here and I was starting to think that it was just us. I'm so relieved to learn that it isn't- it's everyone." I have no idea what he's talking about...

A postscript

A little follow up to yesterday's angst over having to be the meanie about the handling of a school issue. The principal's weekly letter came home a day late this week. Today instead of yesterday. I do indeed have the whole "Principal's Note" section dedicated to the trouble I caused. Of course, it still makes it sound as though my issue was with the policy and not the fact that I was publicly reprimanded in front of the children as a way of notifying me that I had not followed the policy. Duh and whaaaaaaateeeeeeveeeeer...

Foodies

I could be such a foodie with just a little more budget and a little less willingness to settle for the provincial. But, I do love to do what I can with what I've got. I love imagining what certain flavors and textures would be like mixed together. I love trying new foods. I am not picky. I can read cookbooks like others read Pat Conroy. So, I have been on a quest for awhile for a good food blog. I am not a huge fan of super fancy (ie- time consuming) foods, but I also don't like recipes that all start with "1 lb. of ground beef." Ina Garten is a genius in my eyes. She is perfect.

I keep trying to remember to do Foodie Fridays, but I am not even organized enough to do that. I have been forgetting for weeks now. So, today we'll do Foodie Wednesdays (because, as Clemsongirl says, Wordless Wednesdays are for sissies). Kicking it off, we'll have a Four Foods Meme which I completely stole from www.funcraftsandrecipes.com (of you, consider yourself tagged).

#1. What is your favorite kind of cheese for snacking? String cheese. The twisty kind that has white and cheddar. Sad, I know. If the kiddie string cheese were not so readily available and we had a gourmet budget, I'd go with thin slices of any very pungent, strong, exotic cheese (preferably with some figs, dates, or other delightful fruit).

#2. What is your favorite kind of jelly? Just about anything homemade (really, I'm a jam girl, instead of jelly, if truth be known). I made salsa jelly one summer (go ahead, be impressed...). It was absolutely ridiculous over some cream cheese and on a cracker.

#3. Yogurt. Regular or custard style? I don't really care. Dannon is my preference.

#4. Share a recipe for a stew or soup. MMM. I love soup. Here is a recipe for a stew that is yummy, so filling, easy to make, and is great on cold days.

Oven Baked Split Pea and Lentil Soup
2 (32 oz) cans broth
1 cup dried split peas
1 cup dried lentils
4 carrots, sliced
4 celery ribs, sliced
2 red bell peppers, chopped
2 onions, chopped
2 bay leaves
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. pepper

Combine all ingredients in an ovenproof Dutch oven. Bake covered at 350 for 2 hours or until peas and lentils are tender.

Here comes Trouble

You would really think that if I'm going to be a parent with a child at a school for the next 10 years, that I would wait to cause a big fat stink until at least, say, year 4. Nope. Not me. Because I'm an overachiever. So, when I was reprimanded over the CLASSROOM INTERCOM by the main office during a visit to One Fish's classroom yesterday, I was sure that the issue could be dealt with using a little grace and aplomb. Wrong. Using my best Miss Congeniality voice, I called the main office after I got home and explained that I was very sorry for not following the directions that I didn't hear them give as I was on my way into the school, but I really wasn't sure that the situation called for a public dressing down in front of a classroom of first graders. Would you believe that the secretary (or whoever she was- never Miss Congeniality, that's for damn sure) suggested that I was lying and actually heard their directions, but choose not to follow them. Please do not fear, angry readers. I did ask to speak to the Big Kahoona herself. La Principala. I will spare you the frustrating and annoying details by simply saying that I "can't get no satisfaction." It was a pleasant enough conversation, but neither side was giving an inch. So. Being the daughter of my mother that I am, I went up. Way up. Into the school district office and right down the hall to the superintendents office. He is a man, but I will certainly vote for him if he is ever in a pageant. Or election. Or anything. He is a genius and today wins the Fishy Busyness award for congeniality (ie- the award for those who go out of their way to make me happy). Would you believe that he was on the phone to me just one hour after receiving my thoughtful and well-written letter (read-dissertation) on the unfortunate incident and it's aftermath? He completely agreed with my assessment of the stupidity of the whole thing, which does, indeed, make him, as I said, a genius. He will be making an appointment with the administrators in question to discuss the issue. This means that I think One Fish can kiss anymore Good Citizen awards goodbye, but sometimes we have to stand on principal, don't we? As our conversation came to a close, he gave me the one thing I'd been after all along. An apology. Praise God. Someone heard me and sympathized.

One Fish had a onesie as an infant that said "I am woman. Hear me ROAR." I wish I had a t-shirt like that. I'd wear it up to the school tomorrow for volunteer Wednesdays. Cause walking in there tomorrow is going to take some real kahoonas.