Why We Are Done With Happy Meals for the Summer

It is hard to embarass me. I think that if you do enough time in the hallowed halls of humiliation, eventually it stops getting to you. Besides, I used to teach units on reproduction to classrooms of college students. Including every minute detail of male and female anatomy. With diagrams. And models. And plasticized actual organs. Try working up a decent blush about anything after doing that enough times.

It all started several months ago. We had some coupons to the Mickey D's closest to us (can you believe we have two Sonics and two McDonalds but no Target within 50 miles? Where the hell do I live?!). I pull through the drive through, pleased at the "Mommy is so great" comments coming from the backseat all because I'm about to get them ice cream cones. What do they care that they're free? Oh, but sad for me that I am trying to use TWO coupons in the drive through line. Apparently this is Just.Not.Done. No matter that I have three children in the car and one of them is sleeping peacefully. No matter that I have four people in the car and only want to use two stinkin' coupons and get a drink for myself. People like me must be dealt with and if I want to go so far as to use more than one coupon in the drive through, I must come into the store. Drive through convenience wasn't meant for customers like me.

So, I park the car, muttering about the piece of mind the manager, who will indeed be summoned, is going to get from me. I schlep everyone into the store, groggy and irritable baby on hip. As luck would have it, the manager was tending the register. I explain my issue and inform him that I will be telling my vast collection of mommy friends how this establishment likes to treat the mommies of this town and telling them to next time just pick the Chic-fil-a coupon if they get a choice. Getting service here is just too hard. He looks perplexed and wants to know who told me that I had to come into the store. That.Woman.Right.There. He shakes his head and does an apologetic little look and tells me that he is very sorry and will have A Talk with her. I was satisfied that this issue would be dealt with. We all have to have a Cause, right? We leave with our two free cones, but not the drink for me because I wasn't that forgiving. We went next door to Wendy's for that. I can hold a grudge.

So, needless to say, I was feeling very confident when last week, several months after the original and unfortunate coupon incident, I had occassion to use yet another set of coupons in the drive-through line. Guess what? Apparently The Incident had not warranted a full-scale employee meeting because the 16 year old I got this time hadn't gotten the memo. She repeats to me what has got to be hanging on the wall at the cash register because they say it the same way every time. You cannot use more than one coupon in the drive-through. But, this time I was prepared.

I didn't argue. I didn't explain the ratio of coupons to bodies in the car. I cut right to the chase and explained with all the confidence in the world that no, I could indeed use more than one coupon, because I had been through this before and had the assurance of The Manager that I would not have the same problem again. So, two free french fries please, another small fry for me. Loooooooong pause at the microphone. One Fish pipes up, "Wow, Mom. You really told her!" She still hasn't returned to the mike and I fear that she has walked off the job. "Maam?" I ask tentatively. "Uhhhhh. Drive around to the window, please." I'm sure that they have the burger police on standby for people like me. But, I am ready because exhaustion, indignation and a boat-load of children I do NOT want to get out of the car are fire-power enough to get me my damn free fries. Both of them. Handed through the window instead of over the counter, please.

Sure enough, the manager on duty (MOD, we'll call her) has already been summoned by the time I get the mini-van around the drive. I thank her for being so accomodating and explain that I have been through this before and know that it isn't really a big deal. And thank her again. I'm so easy to work with, see? She asks me if my order is complete and hands over my two free fries, but that's it. Oh, but I had another fry that I need to pay for too. This causes the whole order to be voided and requires her to pull out The Key and punch lots of buttons. Finally, we have three fries in the car and I hand over the cash and The Coupons. Another uncomfortable pause before she says...

"Maam, you know these coupons are only valid at the McDonalds down the street?"

And that, dear readers, is almost worth working up a blush over.



Edited to add: She did insist upon letting me still use the coupons because I think at this point she would have handed over two value-meals for free if it meant getting me out of her line. I picked up the cell-phone right then and there and called the number for comments or complaints. I gushed over over how helpful this particular manager is and how she totally deserves a Mickey D Medal or a Burger Banner or whatever they give out for commendable service. Because I'm so easy to work with, see?