This is sort of a random post, but one that is blog-worthy, I think. Someone told me the other day that getting older was hell. They were concerned about their body and the fact that they weren't the hard-body they once were (and never would be again, let's face it). Here's what I think:
There is a picture of me taken on a beach in the Caribbean during the summer of 1997. I was still about 7 months away from meeting The Scientist. Current Boyfriend and I were on a "break" so that I could flit off to the Caribbean for the summer and study marine science (ha). I am seated on the beach in a bikini. It was royal blue and had small yellow and white daisy flowery things on it. From the cute print to the way it came up just high enough but not too high on the belly, it was darling. My toes are cute because my feet were so tan and my toes were freshly painted (Summer. Caribbean.) My girlfriends and I are lined up like birds on a wire with our legs bent at the knees and our chests thrown out. I'm sure that was to show off our boobs that didn't need underwire to stay where they were supposed to be.
I have never been more tan in my life. My legs were as thin as they were ever going to get and were lean from swimming and tons of running and walking on the beach. We were all thinner than usual because the food was awful and we'd been there awhile by the time the photo was taken.
Long story short- this picture captures me-maxed out. It was as good as it was ever going to get. And do you know that I remember exactly what I was thinking the moment the picture was taken?
"Oh, God. Not a picture in a bathing suit. I'm so embarrassed. I'm soooo FAT!"
Oh, sister. If I only knew that three short years later I would be spending the summer hot, miserable and 8 months pregnant. And that the picture, on that beach, that summer, with that body...was the best it was ever going to be.
And I didn't even get it. In fact, I was embarrassed by it. I didn't appreciate what I had one little iota. And, if I didn't appreciate that tanned, lean, perky body when I had it, then I ask you, what was the point? The other thing it makes you wonder is if I'll be 60, looking back at the body I have today and wondering why I didn't appreciate it when I had it. Hard to believe, I know. But, possible all the same.
So to flash forward to the body I have now....
It's not tan and that is by design. It's not perky. At all. It's also not toned. At all. But, my stomach is flatter than I could have hoped for after having three children. Flabby, yes. But I don't look pregnant when I'm not. My thighs have always been a "problem" area. But, if one no longer wears bikini's (or bathing suits for that matter) it's not much of a "problem" is it? The boobs have actually surpassed their previous impressive cup size of D. But now the DD seems to stand for Double Droopy. But, isn't that why God created Victoria's Secret? These seem like fixable problems.
The arms jiggle and the feet are a good bit wider than they started out, but who looks at feet? And since my arms usually hold a baby now, few people look at the arms, just the cutie in them. I don't wear belts because belts tend to look better on people who have a defined waist and not just a quick dip inbetween the hips and the boobs. But, really. With tunic tops in the way they are, this hardly seems like a problem.
Most importantly, that tanned and toned girl on the beach that day had no respect for what her body was capable of. She had no idea what miraculous things her body could do. The body I have traded the old one in for isn't toned and doesn't look as good in clothes (or naked, for that matter), but it grew and nourished three lives. And did it brilliantly, if I do say so myself. It also managed the miracle of birthing all three little bodies. These feats don't come without their fair share of battle scars and stretch marks.
This body version 2.0 is so much more capable than the first version was. This new version knows how to give piggy back rides and I'm sure the large hips are only there so that a baby has somewhere to rest his bottom. And the aching back that will seemingly never recover? Well, that's only from doing more rocking and dancing and holding of babies than any woman should be lucky enough to do. The Scientist doesn't care that this new body doesn't look a thing like the one he married. He loves it anyway. So, why shouldn't I?
So, if I could go back and talk to that tanned and toned girl on the beach that day, I'd tell her to appreciate those toned legs and the arms that don't jiggle. And that the boobs really don't make her look as fat as she thinks they do. But, I'd also tell her that if she just can't- if she just can't get past it and learn to love her body then just wait...
In a few years, we'll trade it in for a better one.
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4 comments:
You are SO spot on with this post - if only we could relive those days knowing then what we know now - I look at old pictures now and can't believe I thought I needed to lose weight - but I remember it exactly like you described!
Sweet friend, I love you in all the bodies you've had, and all the ones you'll have going forward.
Have I mentioned lately that we need a GIRLS TRIP?!
Seriously.
Somewhere near here is a group of 50 something women called the Bikini Team. There deal is basically something like: "screw it, the kids are grown, we spend the summer drinking wine and hanging out at the pool and we are wearing bikinis." It is good to get the "screw it" attitude. You should save this stuff for Big Fish, you know!
And so you know, I picture you as the girl in the strapless black, floor length formal dress (do you know the one I am talking about??) you mean you don't look like that anymore??!
STK
I can't tell you how many times I've looked back at pictures and wished I still looked that way. And I remember at the time thinking I was too fat, too flabby, had bad hair, or whatever and didn't appreciate what I really looked like. It's sad the way women are always "not quite good enough" for ourselves!!
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