Life would be much more delightful without perverts

So, this post should generate some comments.

Yesterday at a large chain store I don't want to name but that sells just about anything under the sun and which is the only place in town to get...well, anything, I was confronted with a struggle I am often confronted with. Do you let the five year old little boy go into the boy's restroom by himself, or do you make him go into the ladies with you? Yesterday, I succumbed to exhaustion and hubris and compromised. I let him go in, but lurked just outside the door. I did see one guy go in, but he was an employee. I thought nothing of it. Soon, Two Fish came out.

The story he relayed to me will be enough to ensure that you never let your fishies visit the male restroom alone until they are either old enough to drink legally or have a black belt in something dangerous-sounding. Whatever comes first.

Two Fish went into a stall to do his business. There are urinals in there, but I think he's more comfortable in a stall because it offers some privacy and looks much more like his comforts of home. He tells me that he was "going" and looked up to find a man hanging over the TOP of the stall, with his arm and cell-phone dangling down and pointed at his crotch! Two Fish has never made up anything kooky like this before. He also delivered this story immediately upon coming out of the restroom while he huddled against me and cast his eyes around as if to see if he could see the weirdo. He also tells me that he "knows" the man took a picture. Now really, there is no way he could know this for sure. I asked him if he saw a picture of himself on the phone or if he heard a click or saw a flash. He couldn't say for sure. But, he does take camera-phone pictures with The Scientists phone, so he might actually be better suited than, say, my grandmother, to determine if a picture was taken. But, he is five...

As he is telling me this story, the employee I saw go in appeared at the water fountain beside us. He cut into our conversation and began asking questions of Two Fish. Does he take martial arts (he was in his kung fu outfit) and a few other questions and comments I couldn't identify because, quite frankly, he was acting very strange and was hard to understand. When he walked away, I asked Two Fish if he was the man. He answered an emphatic, "No."

We went over to check out and 5 minutes later, as we were paying, a manager came through and asked our cashier where "[insert weird waterfountain man's name here]" was. Our cashier looked puzzled and said that he left to go to the restroom, but he hadn't seen him since and that maybe he decided to go on break instead. It registered dimly with me then that this was the same man who talked to us at the waterfountain and who I'd blown off because I thought he was weird and because he was interupting a very important conversation between my son and me. I had seen his nametag with that name, I was sure of it.

That night (last night) after dinner, One and Two Fish were talking amongst themselves. I was eavesdropping (sort of. I was washing dishes and could hear them). A minute later, One Fish summons me and announces that Two Fish has something he needs to tell me. He admits that weird waterfountain man was the one who looked at him in the stall and then ducked back down when he saw him glance up, but that he hadn't wanted to tell me because he was afraid I would go over right then to talk to the man (oh, how he does know his mama well...).

All the pieces start to fall into place. Two Fish has never waivered in his insistence that the man took a picture of him. He has demonstrated to me with props how the man leaned over the stall, where his hands were, how he was holding the phone, etc. He even said that it is fine with him if he doesn't go into the men's bathroom anymore by himself. Poor little guy even asked for some Purell after we got home because he said he hadn't even washed his hands when he was finished. He said he just looked to see if the bad man had a gun and then ran out. A gun?! But then I realized that in his little five year old mind, taking a picture of someone in the bathroom was so wrong that this might just be the kind of person who would also have a gun!

The Scientist has called the police. I'll let you know what happens.